by Rex Steven Sikes
That magic feeling of trust and friendship when we see that we
are on the same "wave length" with another person. The
times when you meet someone, instantly like them, and say to yourself,
"We're a lot alike". We have all felt this, but do you
know how to actually create it?
co-developers in the field of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)
began studying people who had the ability to develop rapport quickly
with others in client/patient environments, family relationships,
sales situations, and other contexts. Since then, thousands of
managers, sales professionals, teachers, therapists, parents,
doctors, attorneys, students and countless other people from all
over the world are benefiting by the simple applications of rapport
this into practice. Take a few moments each day to master and
utilize the following techniques and suddenly you will see, hear,
and feel a profound difference in the way people respond to you.
Use it when making a sale, on a first date, when talking to your
teenager, when dealing with your boss or employee, and especially
when you want to "get through" to someone you are having
the other person's non verbal posture. Stand like them, walk like
them and sit like them. Notice how they move and remain still.
Adopt your posture so that it is a match or mirror image of theirs.
the same with the gestures they use. If they fold their arms and
lean back or if they cross their legs, you do it too. Shake hands
like they do. If it's a fishy one, give 'em one back. If it is
a firm one, same thing.
is the key. Do this discreetly. If you follow them too quickly
it may appear as if you are mimicking them. You want the matching
and mirroring to remain outside their conscious awareness.
their voice, also. If they speak in hushed tones, or in loud boisterous
tones, you do the same. If they speak fast or slow, you can speed
up or slow down, and so on.
a few moments of matching and mirroring, gently begin to use the
voice tone and posture which is comfortable for you. When you
have established rapport, the other person will begin to follow
is like a dance where one leads and the other follows. If the
person has picked up your lead, you know you are on your way to
establishing a good relationship based on mutual respect. If not,
match until he/she follows your lead.
is this effective? Researchers say that matching posture, gestures,
and voice tone send signals to the unconscious mind which say:
"Hey, I am like you." Since people like people who are
like themselves, you've already made great strides in the first
few minutes of any meeting or sales call.
a blast with this! The key to learning is to experiment and enjoy
yourself. Thank you for your calls and letters, we always love to
hear from you!